Confidence is a skill: nine steps to building up or regaining your confidence
Confidence is a powerful thing that can give us the strength to accomplish amazing things, but it's not always constant. I recently had a curious situation where my confidence was shaken in activities I used to enjoy, like driving and swimming. I found myself hesitating and feeling scared to jump into the deep end of the pool, something I loved doing as a kid. I also became hesitant about driving in busy areas or going on long trips, worrying about getting lost or someone hitting my car. As I grew older, I become aware of and acknowledged my fears and drop in confidence level. I realised that it's normal to have moments when our confidence drops due to fear of failure, rejection, past traumas, or simply not practicing certain things enough.
I used to believe that confidence was something you either had or didn't have, but I soon discovered that it's actually a skill that can be developed over time. Take public speaking, for example, people aren't born great speakers. They become great by practicing in front of others, observing successful speakers, or having a mentor. Even though they may still feel extremely nervous and worried before taking the stage, their confidence grows because they've worked on their skills and learned from past experiences when things didn't go perfectly.
I wanted to regain my confidence in swimming and driving, and also boost my confidence in other areas of my life. So, I decided to follow these steps that have helped me along the way. I'm sharing these nine steps with you in the hope that you, too, can tap into your potential and live a life filled with self-assurance.
Step 1: Clearly Identify Your Activity
First, pinpoint the specific activity or skill where you want to excel or regain confidence. It could be something like driving, showcasing your artwork on social media, networking to make connections, handling social interactions at work, public speaking, acing exams, performing piano in front of an audience, or conquering a fear. Be as detailed and specific as possible. For instance, one of my personal goals was to learn how to paint with oil paints and feel skilled and confident enough to post my paintings on social media and build a website to sell my paintings from.
Step 2: Take Action
Start by taking small steps and gradually build momentum. For example, if you wish to learn how to paint, make sure your paints and brushes are set up the day before. Commit to drawing or painting every day and if you have time constraints try just 15 minutes a day. If you aim to run 10 miles, begin by lacing up your running shoes or preparing your gym bag the night before. Take that initial step, even if it's only running 50 meters to start. Remember, action is key, no matter how small.
Step 3: Form Habits, Routines, and Be Consistent
Relying solely on willpower or motivation can be exhausting when it comes to building confidence. Instead, it's easier to reach your goals by forming good habits. Actions performed daily can become part of your routine and develop into positive habits. There are numerous books available on habit formation, such as "Atomic Habits" by James Clear, which offers practical tips on making small but meaningful changes in your daily routines for lasting habits. To strengthen your commitment to building confidence, strive to be consistent in your regular routines and habits.
Step 4: Address Self-Limiting Beliefs, Fears, and Doubts
Recognize and confront any self-limiting beliefs, fears, or doubts that may consciously or subconsciously hold you back from achieving your goals. Challenge these belief systems and consider utilizing tools like hypnosis or visualization techniques to reprogram your subconscious mind. Learn to replace limiting and negative thoughts with empowering and positive outcomes for yourself.
Step 5: Embrace Failure as a Learning Opportunity
Accept that failure is a natural part of the process and a stepping stone towards growth. Learn from setbacks, adapt your approach, and move forward with resilience and determination. One of my favourite quotes is: "The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried" by Stephen McCranie. I remind myself of this when I think that things aren’t going well or something is taking longer than I would like.
Step 6: Confidence Is a Skill That Grows Over Time
Understand that confidence is not something achieved instantly or something we are born with. It is a skill that develops gradually through consistent effort. Celebrate each milestone, no matter how small. For example, Henri Matisse, was a renowned artist. I watched a video clip of him on YouTube, where he would practice the same line drawing over and over again, repeating it hundreds of times. If the drawings didn't meet his expectations, he would simply throw them away. Similarly, when painting, Matisse would paint over his artworks multiple times until he felt satisfied with the overall composition. This shows that great artists like Matisse go through a process of trial and error, making adjustments until they achieve their desired outcome.
Step 7: Seek Inspiration and Support from Others
Find inspiration in individuals who have succeeded in your desired field. Read books, watch YouTube videos, or enroll in courses to learn from their experiences. Seek guidance from experts and teachers who can provide valuable insights and support. Surround yourself with a community that uplifts and motivates you.
Step 8: Embrace the Identity of a Learner
Maintain a curious and open mindset, always seeking new knowledge and skills. Embrace the attitude of a lifelong learner, continuously adapting, asking questions, and making adjustments along the way.
Step 9: Find a Mentor
Look for a mentor or someone who has achieved significant success in your chosen area. Their experience and wisdom can offer valuable direction and support on your journey to confidence. If possible, establish regular meetings or become an apprentice to learn from them directly.
I truly believe that building or regaining confidence is within reach for everyone. By following these nine steps, I hope you can cultivate confidence in anything you wish to do.
A selection of Kunjan Thankey’s naive and folk art paintings shown below
